Talking about postpartum life with your partner and/or support system.
There are so many things we do to prepare for a baby! The birthing plan, the baby names, the nursery budget, cutting out foam strips for those sharp corners of the coffee table your partner refuses to curb. But what about the deeper, more nuanced parts of postpartum life that aren’t talked about as much? Things that are harder to find articles about, harder to bring up in groups, and even harder to articulate to yourself?
Here are a few prompts that I’ve found helpful in getting the convo started:
-How can we support each other if we feel “touched out?”
Baby’s love to be held, and it’s wonderful to hold them - but sometimes the constant contact can change how much physical touch we are interested in from a partner or other loved one. Having a conversation around ways to show love can be very useful as you enter this time. A good question could be: How can I help you feel seen and loved when I am feeling depleted and/or sensorily overwhelmed?
-How will parenting/household duties be shared?
Get specific! List out responsibilities you’ll both take on and write them down in detail. Play to each others strengths, maybe you could do dishes for days while your partner finds meditation in folding laundry. Maybe you don’t mind waking up early if your partner can lean into their night owl tendencies and take the night shift. It’s also worth discussing your needs in terms of each other's presence. Are you going to need more of each other, are you going to need some designated alone time? Be honest, both are totally okay!
-How can we support my/your postpartum body? Does body positivity or body neutrality feel better for you?
What kind of conversation about your body feels loving and supportive, if any? This doesn’t (necessarily) mean weight or asthetic changes, but checking in on any discomfort, vulva care, an incision site, breast engorgement, mastitis, etc.
-What words of affirmation might you need to hear if/when we’re struggling with:
Sleep deprivation
Baby feeding
Sex drive changes
Lack of control
Unwanted advice or criticism
A sick baby
Our own childhood wounds
You name it…
-Let’s discuss some signs that we need help with our mental help.
Baby blues affects 3 out of 4 new parents and 1 out of 10 will experience sever postpartum depression (PPD). While birthing parents tend to show signs of PPD right after birth, a non-birthing parent is more likely to show signs about a year after the baby is born. Knowing the signs of PPD and what support is available during this vulnerable time is essential for new families.
-Let’s talk about our needs and expectations for people coming to meet the baby.
Everyone is going to be thrilled to see you and meet your little one, but having a visitor is very different than having someone who can help you out during the first weeks of having a new baby. How can you prepare your friends and family members to best support you? I recommend sending out an email to set your expectations before your baby’s arrival. Even if you never send it, the exercise could be very informative for you and your partner.
-How can we make this an ongoing conversation because our opinions on these topics might change.
A friend once told me, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of treatment. The earlier you start these kinds of conversations, the easier they will become, and the closer you will grow as a unit, ready to take on anything - like raising a human!
✨✨✨Orion Doula Care✨✨✨
